New York Nanny Center » chronicles of modern mary poppins

Winter Break or Holiday Havoc?

Lindsay Bell — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 15:09:48 +0000

This past week I found myself very aware of stressed out parents, restless children and very few nannies in the city. Many families go away for the holidays, as do their childcare providers. This shift in the norm can wreak havoc on the most organized family. This week I saw parents on edge, completely overwhelmed, ready to pull their hair out. Yelling, name calling and threatening (what appears to be) their children in complete frustration. I do not judge these parents; instead, I try to have compassion and empathy for them and their children. I acknowledge that I do not know their lives, their hardships, their stories; I only see a glimpse of these families. We are all human and we all have our patient moments and our impatient moments… but as adults we mirror behavior and reactions to our children all the time. They watch us and take note of how we respond or react. These are the most important teachable times as caregivers to show our children love and tolerance. This is more important than the presents we give to our kids at the holidays. These are the moments to celebrate. Sharing and spending time with the people we love.

Whether you enroll your kids in holiday camp, schedule play dates, or plan a family adventure in the city, it is important for all children to have structure and be advised of their activities. It reduces nagging, anxiety and boredom. It is also important to find time for yourself and get a break in the action. Parents are left juggling the kids, extended family, out-of-town visitors and holiday festivities… not to mention the shopping, cooking, planning and wrapping. These times are filled with happy moments and utter chaos. Change is hard for everyone, but there are ways to get through the holiday/winter break and enjoy your free time, children and family. When you feel like you can’t breathe… laugh and get the kids to laugh too! Take a minute and remember its all good!

Happy New Year!

-Ali Sheppard

Tis the Season to Give…or Not?

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 17:26:05 +0000

It is that time of year… Happy…Merry… The winter holidays are here!!! For those of us in the service industry it is an especially happy time or at least we hope…

Like no other city in the world, Manhattan residents depend on doormen, building staff, delivery people, assistants, caregivers/nannies, housekeepers and such! As Pamela Skillings wrote for the online website, About.com, “ Tip giving/Holiday bonuses is a sign of appreciation for good service, not an obligation, but tips are counted on by many NYC service providers. If you don’t tip, it could be seen as a sign of dissatisfaction or just plain stinginess.”

I get asked by many families and caregivers what the standard/expected holiday bonus is and the answers vary some, but in my own unofficial survey, the majority from both sides said the standard Holiday Bonus is 1 week salary. Skillings also reported, “If you employ a full-time nanny, the New York rule is at least one week’s pay plus some paid holiday vacation days.”

A few of the families and nannies I spoke with gave/received additional gifts like: extra holiday paid vacation, luxurious gifts, handmade crafts from the kids, warm heartfelt thank you cards, gift cards and spa gift certificates. Less than 1% of the people I survey said they gave/received more than the 1 week salary bonus. About 10% said they received less than a week salary bonus.

Based on a survey done by UrbanSitter.com in 2012 on Holiday gift giving, “97% of families reported to give their full-time nanny a holiday bonus or gift. 66% gave 1 week salary, 28% gave 2 weeks’ salary and 6 % gave 3+ weeks pay.

In my professional opinion, it’s never a bad thing to give and show appreciation to the people in your children’s life some holiday love!!!

-Ali Sheppard is our Nanny Care Coordinator and the author of the Chronicles of Modern Mary Poppins!

Source: UrbanSitter. The UrbanSitter Holiday Bonus study was fielded in November and December 2012. It includes results from 395 parent respondents.

Resources in NYC for Children with Special Needs

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 17:13:14 +0000

It can be an overwhelming process to understand and implement the services needed for a child with special needs. In most circumstances it begins with your child’s pediatrician. Typically if a child it not reaching his or her developmental milestones the pediatrician will refer the family to have an evaluation done to determine the possible deficiencies.

Information on Early Intervention Services can be found at the New York State Department of Health this site will outline the services available and the laws that are in place that support said services. It will also provide information on how to apply for services and the eligibility requirements.

Resources for children with Special Needs (RCSN) “Is New York City’s only independent nonprofit organization that works for families and children with all disabilities, across all boroughs, to understand, navigate, and access the services needed to ensure that all children and youth have the opportunity to develop their full potential.”

The YAI Network “Provides a full range of health and human services to people of all ages with developmental and learning disabilities and their families.

Happy Hour 4 Kids “Founded in 2003, was created to serve the individual needs of children who were having difficulty socializing with their peers. The founders, as professionals in the field of special education, found a great need for a place in which children could get the individualized attention they needed within a group setting to learn, generalize and apply social skills.”

A special thanks to Robin Bump, PT, Co-Owner, Making Milestones for her time on sharing helpful ways to support children with sensory integration challenges.

“At Making Milestones we have the privilege of working with special needs children with varying issues by providing Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and Speech Therapy in a sensory gym setting. Often times, parents or caregivers come to us with questions about how they can help their little ones improve not only their motor skills so they can keep up with their peers, but also how they can help them deduce anxiety if they get excessively excited or over stimulated.

Children with motor delays need to be active in order for their motor skills to be challenged and worked. Quality time at the playground is great for improving strength, coordination and endurance. Classes that help children with motor delays can include: swimming, yoga, karate, and gymnastics.

Children with sensory issues have difficulty regulating themselves if they are over stimulated by their environment. Things that might overstimulate a child could be: an overcrowded room, bright lights, loud noises, or even being touched. Some may describe this overstimulated child as “hyper” but in actuality, the child just needs some input to help them calm down. Activities that involve deep pressure and/or proprioceptive input are particularly helpful. These things may include, but are not limited to the following:

- A tight squeeze either through a hug or a weighted blanket (deep pressure)
- Wall push ups
- Wheelbarrow walking (walking on their hands while you hold their feet)
- Crab walking (walking on hands and feet in a bridge position)
- Carrying heavy objects/bags
- Pushing a shopping cart or the stroller

Also helpful:

-Removing the child from the situation
- Swinging
- Dimming the lights
- Reducing the noise”

This is just a short list of places parents and caregivers can access resources, support and advocacy in NYC. As a caregiver and social worker that has worked with many children that have special needs, I personally know the value of understanding what is available in your area to reach out and get the answer you need. If you have any further questions about special needs services, caregivers for children with special needs, please contact me directly at: ali.sheppard@luckylildarlings.com, and I will be glad to assist you in any way I can.

-Ali Sheppard is our Nanny Placement Coordinator and author of the Modern Mary Poppins Chronicles.

New York…A progressive city for Children with Special Needs.

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 14:59:26 +0000

I love NYC for many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons I love NYC is that this city is aggressive when providing Early Intervention Services (EIS) for children with special needs. Don’t get me wrong, navigating the system, understanding the services and obtaining the support you need is not always a seamless process, but as a transplant from the south, this city is very, very lucky. In other parts of the country Early Intervention Services are often only available for low income families, families in crisis, or families involved with Social Services.

As parents and caregivers raising or working with children with special needs we have a glimpse of the wide variety of services available. Depending on what the needs of the child are, the services can include: family education and counseling, speech pathology and audiology, occupational therapy (OT), physical therapy (PT), psychological services and nursing services. (Not a complete list)

Often times, working with children receiving Early Intervention Services, can feel like logistical scheduling nightmare. Coordinating OT, PT and Speech sessions alone is a challenge on top of trying to plan play dates, extracurricular activities or just some unstructured down time. It is believed that when children with special needs receive EIS before the age of 3 years old they have a far better chance of developing and overcoming many of their difficulties. Personally, as an individual that has lived with ADHD and other learning difficulties, I feel that having EIS as a child could have minimized my years of struggling academically and socially in my environment.

Just to clarify, we use the all-inclusive umbrella term, “special needs” as a way to describe a variety of individuals who require assistance for disabilities that may be medical, mental, or psychological. The severity of disability can range greatly. In general, a child with special needs is clinically defined as significantly impaired in cognitive functioning/mental functioning and often times these children have a difficult time relating to their practical and social skills in their environments.

Above all as parents and caregivers it is our role to advocate, encourage and motivate the children we love that live with special needs. We do this by having patience, warmth, and a understanding of the limits and goals of each child.

This is a two part series and next week I will share the many resources and services available in the NYC area for children with special needs.

-Ali Sheppard, MSW, is the author of the Chronicles of Modern Mary Poppins and our Nanny Care Coordinator!

How to Pay Your Nanny!

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 23:08:04 +0000

I recently attended a very informative seminar about how to pay your nanny and learned a wealth of information about having a written contract, decided on the standard weekly hours, tax information , health care and worker’s compensation.

Nikki Kristol, MST is a Upper Westside wife and mother of two with a Masters degree in taxation. She is an enrolled agent with extensive domestic and international tax experience. She is also the owner of My Home Payroll, a Total Nanny Solution Agency.

Nikki facilitated a very informative, easy to understand seminar about the simplest and most straightforward ways to pay in home domestic employees. In addition to assisting her clients completing the necessary forms, she showed how families can help their nannies get health care coverage at reasonable rates and show families how to apply for possible subsidies to off set the cost.

Did you know that worker compensation is an absolute necessity if you employee domestic workers? Nikki and her Home Payroll team know exactly how to navigate the often ambiguous, confusing tax and government process so your nanny and your family can be prepared and covered.

My Home Payroll is also offering all NY Nanny Center and Lucky Lil Darling (LLD) families 20% off the setup fees when you enroll for services. In addition to providing you all the needed support, knowledge and action to pay your nanny on the books and save your family money, My Home Payroll can take care of processing your nanny’s (other domestic worker’s) paycheck with direct deposit.

For more information about paying on the books, compensation packages, taxes and payroll services, please contact Nikki Kristol at 917.929.9486/nikki@kristol.com or visit www.myhomepayroll.com

Calling Out Sick

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:38:36 +0000

I am not sure what feels worse being sick, or calling out sick. It is that time of year and colds, flu and illness will happen! The weather is changing and the heat is on whether you want it or not. No one likes being sick, but it is inevitable. Being sick as a nanny can be emotionally and financial stressful too.

Childcare providers know their families depend on them to be at work and when they cannot make it due to an unexpected illness, it can cause havoc on the family finding last minute coverage. It is a hardship for everyone. How can childcare providers and families work together to make sure the nanny can take time off for illness without the emotional or financial stress? How can families get the coverage they need? There is a solution!!!

Lucky lil Darlings (LLD) offers on demand, last minute sitters for many reasons, but in particular when a family needs a sitter fast. It is easy to register and get linked with a variety of experienced vetted sitters. Every LLD sitter is hand-selected, college-educated and undergoes a rigorous interview and background check process.

I am grateful for the amazing families I have worked with over the years that understood the importance of health and overall well-being. In a standard US work week, an employee works 40 hours. A typical full-time NYC nanny works 50-60 hours a week (10-12 hour days) plus the commute home. Does your nanny’s compensation package include paid sick days, personal days, holiday’s etc. vacation? I know that not all childcare providers are afforded these benefits, but it definitely creates positive morale in the workplace/home. Have a conversation with your nanny/sitter and set up some healthy boundaries and strategies so families can have enough time to line up alternative coverage, and providers can take the time they need to rest and get better without the stress of missing work and possible financial burden it may cause. It will make a huge difference in the long run if everyone feels valued!

-Ali Sheppard is our Nanny Placement Coordinator and the author of the latest installment in our “Chronicles of Modern Mary Poppins” series.

GO GO GO!!!

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 16:41:40 +0000

In the hustle and bustle that is NYC we are often in a state of moving, planning, coordinating and executing! Parents and caregivers know this dance all too well! As parents strive to ensure their children are safe, eating healthy, getting adequate sleep, attending the best schools, and having frequent play dates, there is still more to do… There is afterschool, music, language, sports, art, cooking, gymnastics and dance… to name a few.

Lil’ ones enjoying some free time on the walk home from school

Let’s be honest, the kids in this city have a surplus of extracurricular opportunities and their schedules can sometimes require a team of people to execute. These activities require seamless logistical coordination, a variety of transportation options, wheels (stroller, scooter or bike) and snacks… not to mention multiple changes of clothes. We do all of this with the purpose of providing our children with exercise, socialization and enrichment. Parents are also aware that kids these days can be easily over scheduled and struggle to find the balance between opportunities and downtime.

Those of us who oversee or manage the day to day, here to there, back and forth ever changing schedule for these children know the endurance, patience and positive attitude it takes to navigate this city, anticipate the 4pm-no-taxi shift change, drop off/pick up, encourage exhausted, frustrated and hungry children, all in the name of opportunity. Not to mention the all too familiar days when the 1 train is “temporarily delayed due to an earlier investigation at Columbus Circle,” while it’s raining outside and getting a taxi is about as likely as winning the lottery. We hold it together because we are parents and caregivers and we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So…how can we find the balance? It depends on your family, children, their interests, your support system, what you can afford and how you want to generate downtime for your family. I say family, because we all need it. Parents, caregivers and kids!!! As adults we can communicate our needs but as children we are at the mercy of our grown-ups. Teaching our kids the importance of learning and socializing is just as important as teaching them how to pause, catch a breath, veg out and tap into their bliss.

My favorite memory of downtime as a child was when my mom and I would have “tickle time” it was a great break in the action! When she would announce, “Tickle Time” I instantly knew that meant ten minutes of serious fun! On the ground tickling, laughing, and utter silliness was the perfect way for my mom and I to release tension and share some really carefree moments. I looked forward to this one on one time I would spend with my busy, working, single parent mother. Other downtime ideas include: have a 5 minute dance party, coloring/crafts, music, reading, playing a game, or just zoning with some screen time (it’s ok)… The goal is to create space and autonomy so the child can express themselves how they need too. This will increase family bonding, self-esteem and confidence, independence, patience and some much needed breathing room in our busy on the go NYC lives…

-Ali Sheppard is our Nanny Placement Coordinator and the author of the latest installment in our “Chronicles of Modern Mary Poppins” series.

Murky Waters

Lindsay Bell — Mon, 21 Oct 2013 18:05:57 +0000

As a woman who has nannied professionally for years and also has an educational background in Social Work and Early Childhood Development, I have worked with children, families, and caregivers in a variety of ways. I am privy to the nanny’s perspective, the family’s perspective and what my own experiences have taught me.

So, what have I learned? First and foremost, that the relationship between nanny and child is often rewarding, loving, happy and enjoyable; the relationship between nanny and parent/employer, on the other hand can sometimes be, well, strained. I have heard heart-wrenching stories from both sides, and as a bipartisan observer, I truly believe the majority of the unhappy feelings could easily be resolved or avoided with 5 simple steps:

1. Communicate: Create “safe times” to communicate with your nanny and employer. Avoid “on-the-fly” communication, and be sure to set-up times to talk and discuss concerns/questions on a regular basis. This makes more sensitive topics easier and more comfortable to broach and ensures everyone is on the same page.

2. Set Expectations: As the parents, setting expectations for your nanny will make her a more confident caregiver and task manager. As a nanny, it is important to agree to your role and duties, instead of simply saying “yes” and being resentful later. If it turns out you’re not comfortable with the parents’ expectations talk about it. Try to discover a common ground, but if not, it is better to know now so both can find a better fit. Setting expectations creates good boundaries and limits those gray areas that can lead to strained parent/nanny relationships. It keeps all parties accountable and responsible!

3. Treat each other with respect: Respect is the key to a strong nanny/employer relationship; equally important is remembering that respect is a two way street. For example, both parties need to respect each other’s time. If you, the nanny, are running late, give the parents a heads up; or if you are are unhappy about something on the job, address it with the parents, but do so politely and considerately. Likewise, if you, the parents, are running late after a long day at work, let your nanny know in advance- just like you expect from her. Unhappy with something she’s been doing on the job? Set up time to talk to her, and make sure that conversation is done away from the kids. Respecting each other creates a positive environment for everyone.

4. Empower your nanny; empower your family: When a nanny feels empowered, so do the kids! When the nanny feels like a doormat, the environment changes and resentment builds. It’s critical to build morale in your relationship with your caregiver. Tell her… and show her that you trust her as a professional and appreciate her instincts on the job. Of course, both parties should have a clear understanding of expectations, but it’s also important to give your nanny the space and the opportunity to “show her stuff.” Say for instance, you, the parent set up a play date, but while you are at work, the play date cancels with your nanny. In most cases, your nanny should be able to come up with a “plan B” without having to call you for permission. And she should be able to “sell” this new plan to your kids so that she can ease any disappointment and minimize what could have been a tough transition. But this can only happen if you’ve empowered your nanny to make decisions and if you don’t continuously call her decisions into question. Empower your nanny and everyone wins!

5. Acknowledge and Appreciate each other: parents, say thank you. Be generous and be grateful. Most nannies are very grateful to their employers and want to exceed their expectations. A kind word, gesture, even a small gift (a cup of Coffee, cupcake, hand made craft from one of the kids, or a gift certificate for a mani pedi is always an unexpected way to make her feel appreciated. Always remember her birthday and other special holidays she celebrates! Believe me, it goes a long way in creating a positive work relationship. And nannies- when the family gives you unexpected paid time off, or you get to leave a hour early one evening etc.- let them know you appreciate it- either with a simple thank you or even a hand written note. Bottom line, everyone likes to be acknowledged and appreciated.

For more information or an in depth look at these steps, please email me at ali.sheppard@luckylildarlings.com

-Ali Sheppard, Nanny Care Coordinator and author of our our brand new series, the Chronicles of Modern Mary Poppins! We hope you enjoyed!